Author Archives: Wilda

New Pet Becomes Reality

In the summer, I wrote about my anticipation of sponsoring a renovated traffic circle garden. The drought-resistant ornamental plants and culinary herbs I had requested conjured up visions of stepping across an ocean to the south coast of France at a moment’s notice. “Fifi” was the name I assigned to the concept while I waited for the weather and the city crews to establish the new garden.

Something felt off.

On November 15, city crews transformed the traffic circle garden from a jumbled mass to a fresh design. I spent a few sessions with a spade moving several of the plants around to create a more artful, welcoming feel, and added a couple of plants.

As I nestled parsley and sage near the rosemary and thyme that were part of the initial planting, I suddenly started to hum, “Are you going to Scarborough Fair”. I became curious about the Simon and Garfunkle song that I loved as a young woman and discovered it was originally written more than six centuries ago by minstrels in England. That’s where many of my ancestors originated.

Now I get why the original concept wasn’t sitting well with me. I don’t have a drop of French blood in my veins. I learned any French in my vocabulary in school, not at my mother’s knee. And a dog with an aristocratic name doesn’t work for a space that I hope some of my neighbours will help to tend and the whole community will enjoy.

So, my short trek to the garden will take me back in time instead of thousands of kilometres in eastward.

Anybody got a name for a friendly, mongrel pup with an old soul?

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Ruminations from a Dental Chair

I spent a whole afternoon recently chain-watching home renovation shows on HGTV. That wasn’t the plan.

When the dentist’s assistant asked me if I wanted to leave the TV tuned there during my filling, I told her I’d prefer spa music. As she fumbled to find it, the dentist arrived to get the show on the road.

“Never, mind. The HGTV show will be fine,” I lied.

It wasn’t long before workmen got out the jackhammers to dismantle a cinder block wall that had to go.

“Don’t get confused about the noise. I need to start up my drill now,” the dentist joked.

Life was imitating art. And more was to come.

And as the contractor found a tattered vapour barrier and phoned the client to break the bad news that it and the wall in front of it had to be replaced at a significant additional cost, the dentist shared what her excavation project had revealed – decay had entered the root of my tooth and was killing it.

“The only way to save this tooth is to do a root canal. The good news is that I can do them and will not have to refer you out for it.”

After a one-sided conversation about the deal she could give me because I was already frozen, I nodded. She proceeded with what turned out to be, three hours later, a quadruple root canal treatment.

My ability to converse with her was severely limited by the fact my tongue was held back behind a rubber dam. It was there to prevent saliva, blood, and the debris from the construction zone from choking me.

On several occasions, as I watched the tearing apart of houses and digging up of gardens that looked like palaces from my space-deprived urban vantage point, I drew on decades of yoga training to remind myself to breathe, to relax my shoulders, and to unclench my fists.

Near the end of the session, the dentist said what I had been thinking all afternoon.

“I have to wonder whether these shows are creating dissatisfaction and a perceived need for a renovation that sometimes isn’t necessary. So much stuff is being hauled off to landfills because people have been programmed to think everything has to be ‘different’ and ‘fresh’.”

Next time I go for a filling, I’m going to hold out for the spa music.

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My Feet Speak

Today I have given this space over to two guest bloggers. My feet. They want to share their newfound sense of empowerment.

Right Foot: Excuse me, but I need to rant. This summer has been quite a trial. Wilda has been off having a good time in various places, thinking about everything and everybody but me. She’s skipped yoga classes that used to help me stay limber because either she’s been on vacation or the teacher was. When we were out, I’ve spent most of the past three months in sandals that have no strap across the back. I’ve had to curl my toes with every step to be sure the sandals didn’t slide off. Inside, she’s walked me over hardwood and tile floors bare or worn slippers with no support for my arches. I have been aching all over. Finally, I developed a serious corn that pained her with every step.

Left Foot: I hear you. It sounds as if you’ve gotten the worst of it, but I’ve been suffering too. Two of my toes have started to curl under from all that walking in backless sandals.

Right Foot: Well, I’m happy to say she finally started to pay attention. The corn prompted her to make an appointment with a foot care nurse. She sees clients in a shoe store that specializes in fitting people with “problem feet”.

Left Foot: “Problem feet, my foot.” It’s more like “problem owner” in this case. I’m glad the foot care nurse pointed out the errors in her ways.

Right Foot: Yeah, the last ten days have been much better. By the end of the day of the foot care appointment, Wilda had bought a pair of sandals with a strap across the back. That fact they were 50% off because it’s the end of the season appealed to her frugal nature, but at least she bought them. I’ll give her that. Wearing them has brought back the joy of walking places. She also got a pair of soft-soled, supportive shoes to wear around home. On top of that, she bought a spikey little exercise ball to run our soles across when she’s on the computer. Ahhh, relief!

Left Foot: And all because she got treated for that corn you developed. I must remember that in case she forgets.

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My New Pet

“Why don’t you get a dog?” has been a typical response whenever I’ve dared to mention that I regret not knowing more of my neighbours. Or that I spend too much time sitting in front of my computer.

It’s true that pets can be lovely conversation-starters and exercise-influencers.

I’ve thought about getting a dog. For about five seconds each time. Until the same questions inundate my mind.

Who will walk it if I want to be away? What if I get tired of one-sided conversations? Who will hold my nose while I stoop to scoop?

I’ve come up with another solution. Sponsor a traffic circle garden as a Green Streets Volunteer.

The circle in question is due for renovation. It’s a jumble dominated by overgrown lavender shrubs with woody stems. Other flowers take turns sticking their heads higher than the two-foot limit required for visibility. A rescue garden, for sure.

A landscape architecture student hired by the city is working on the redesign. I’ve asked for a big emphasis on drought resistance in the varieties we choose. Vancouver’s climate is technically outside the traditional northern limit of a Mediterranean climate zone, but our summers have been getting hotter and drier. Lavender, rosemary, and thyme sound like winners. I anticipate my short walk to tend the garden will transport me to southern France on a regular basis.

Traffic circles don’t come with taps. Next summer, I look forward to building bone and muscle mass as I heft jugs of water to help the plants get established.

I anticipate neighbours will start conversations. This week, two people took the trouble to say “Thank you,” when they saw me clipping back the spent lavender wearing my “Green Streets Volunteer” vest.

A friend who loves to garden and lives nearby is helping with the design. I got her a vest as well. I hope others will join us when they see how much fun we are having. Maybe they’ll offer to water when she and I are both away.

And instead of filling doggie-do bags, I anticipate stooping to clip the makings of potpourri and herbs de Provence.

My choice of a new pet (project) fits me perfectly. But it needs a name. “Traffic Circle Garden,” takes too long to say.

I think I’ll call her “Fifi.”

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Whirlwind World Tour

I received cultural gifts from more countries than I can count with the fingers on both hands recently. And I didn’t have to leave my current home province to do it. Best of all, my pseudo-round-the-world cruise came without jet lag, carbon footprint guilt, or a ridiculous hit on my credit card.

Between July 15 and July 21, I attended, “Sing Local, Think Global,” a week-long workshop at an Anglican retreat centre in BC. The leader was John Bell, a hymn composer, broadcaster, minister of the Church of Scotland, and member of the ecumenical Iona Community.  He taught us hymns from Latin America, Africa, and Asia, and from dispossessed groups, and explained the historical context for each.

On July 22, I spent a day studying Tibetan energy healing with Jose Antonio Manchado  when he was in Vancouver to conduct several workshops recently. Jose is a Spanish-born man who adopted Buddhism as an adult and has studied extensively in Tibet and with teachers around the globe.

On July 23, I attended my regular Iyengar yoga class, a discipline with roots in Hinduism, with a Canadian-born teacher who has studied with the Iyengar family in India.

One would think after engaging in rituals emanating from many different religions and regions, I would feel as confused as a scrambled egg. That’s not the case. My head is clear as I settle into my day-to-day life with renewed energy.

This makes sense, really. These practices all promote unity and draw water from the same well.

I am grateful.

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Old Haunt Revisited

Recently, I spent a couple of weeks in Ontario, reconnecting with people and places that were part of my life long before I thought of moving to Vancouver. The experience was emotionally rich, a mixture of recalling old memories and discovering new things.

One such encounter occurred when I arrived at the front entrance garden during a stroll around the grounds of the church I attended while I lived in Guelph.

When I volunteered as a gardener there, I used to bemoan the design flaw in the canopy that protected the doorway. Every time it rained, water used to cascade into the half-cedar barrel where we tried to grow geraniums, drowning the flowers and rotting the barrel. The canopy also kept the area shaded for much of the day. Fine for people accessing the door, but a drawback for anyone trying to keep the garden respectable and welcoming.

Now, beside the front door, sits a tidy, utilitarian rain barrel, collecting water for the pots of flowers along the nearby wall where it’s sunny all day. To me, this design change speaks volumes about working with nature and shunning convention. In my mind, a beautiful step in the right direction for an organization that strives to improve the world.

If I had still been there, would I have still been cursing the excess water in that garden? Thank goodness I moved on, providing opportunity for others to see what I viewed as a problem with fresh eyes.

I plan to keep a copy of this photo handy. I hope it will remind me to keep an open mind and go with the flow in new ways.

 

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Moving

A couple of weeks ago, I pulled up stakes and moved to a ground floor unit in my building. In my mind.

After 24 hours of daydreaming, I came to my senses.

I went to the open house for the unit only because it was concurrent with a showing of the condo immediately above me. I looked forward to hearing what they would bring in the current market. They were similar in size and identical in asking price.

Our May was warm. My apartment faces south and west and gets quite hot by late afternoon on sunny summer days. The one upstairs was a few degrees warmer. It is a top floor unit in a flat-roofed building.

The unit on the ground floor faces north and east and was cool. Its best feature was a private patio and patch of lawn. I closed my eyes, hands already in the earth, establishing an herb bed along the base of the hedge.

Both of the places were vacant and staged with minimal furnishings to maximize the feeling of spaciousness. Discontent with my place started to take root.

As I mulled, I realized that the ground floor suite would feel like a cave in our darker winter months. And if a condo building went up in the adjacent parking lot – a likely probability in my lifetime – the unit would have no protection from construction noise for a couple of years. The privacy in the yard would evaporate. The unit would receive even less light.

Also, it had few closets and no associated storage locker. What would I do with my luggage, financial files, and memorabilia? I haven’t gone through the boxes I swore I would not move again without sorting. My stuff was holding me hostage.

So the fantasy move evaporated.

To feed my gardening habit, I am looking into volunteering to maintain a traffic circle near where I live.  Its sunny location would allow me to grow herbs among the ornamental plants.

I’ve started to curate my belongings so that the thought of moving doesn’t panic me. My place feels bigger already.

Thank goodness I didn’t throw myself into a bidding war that sent the garden suite $25,000 over the amount the unit above me brought.

The fantasy was a blessing. It got me moving in healthy directions and at a pace that saves my sanity.

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Still Writing? Still Doing Stand-up?

When I bump into friends, they often ask:

Are you still writing? or

Are you doing stand-up these days?

“Yes” to the first. The collaborative gardening group that I lead has seen to that. We started May with 16 gardeners, the majority new to the group. Helping everyone find meaningful roles, or discern whether they wanted to continue after finding out what it was about, has been a labour of love.

Leading the garden involves a lot of writing. Documents like meeting agendas, reports, and e-mails to individuals and the whole group. More on that later.

The answer to the second is “not on the stage”. In the fall, I may take more courses in either stand up or storytelling, but I want to pause now to integrate what I’ve learned into my life.

Stand-up has been a vehicle for finding my voice. I’ve started to use it in other places. I phoned city hall to report a by-law infraction. I said “no” to a volunteer role that feels too risky just now. I am considering saying “yes” to another one that would ask me to bring fresh ideas to a group that is ripe for renewal.  Risky, but maybe a level I have the confidence to handle now.

Stand-up has also encouraged me to let out my playful side. Here’s part of the e-mail I sent the gardeners a few days before Mother’s Day weekend.

“Warm, sunny, dry weather predicted. Waterers are needed for this weekend!  …the garden needs two people for Saturday to do a deep watering and one person for Sunday to water the new plantings only …

If you are wavering, here are three theme-related reasons to water:

If you don’t have children, think of the plants as beings who will benefit from your care. They may not send you a Mothers’ Day card, but they will show their appreciation by growing up healthy.

As the water runs, you can pretend you are at a spa, and zone out thinking about the people who have mothered you and people or pets you have mothered, even if you’re a guy.

When you call your mother, she may be delighted to hear you’ve watered a garden and you won’t have to admit the other mischief you’ve been up to …”

One of the members stepped up for both days. I wonder what he didn’t want to tell his mother.

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Benny’s Farewell

Last summer, I wrote a blog entry about Benny’s.

A few months later, I learned that the property was slated for “development”, with a projected closing date at the end of August, 2018. I started to try out material at their Thursday evening comedy open mic, knowing the opportunity would end soon.

This week, the closure date of April 30 was announced. Here’s the text of the set I did on April 26:

I did my first open mic here only four weeks ago. Now I hear the place is closing earlier than expected. I hope it isn’t something I said.

I usually do self-deprecating humour, but this situation calls for a rant.

Friends tell me I’m brave to stand here and do comedy. I put the risk involved in doing a four-minute set here in perspective. Not long from now, a wrecking ball will start swinging around and wipe anyone, and anything in its path to kingdom come.

I’m taking this whole thing pretty hard.

I arrived in Vancouver from Ontario in the fall of 2014 to be closer to my son and his family. I started to explore my new city dressed in my buttoned down collar blouse and tailored pants. One day, I told my family, “I had coffee in a shop that was too cool for me”… and started to describe it. After one sentence, my son and daughter-in-law looked at each other, and laughed, “That would be Benny’s.”

I’m often in the neighbourhood because I use the community centre up the street. When I discovered great soup and a bagel for $5.25, Benny’s became my go-to spot for lunch. When I want to connect with a friend for coffee after our program, it’s been, “Let’s go to Benny’s,” for the past three years.

Something has changed. It sure hasn’t been Benny’s.

So I’m upset, and I’ve got a few questions that I have to throw out to the universe…

Who came up with that brilliant slogan on the sign next door: “An iconic Kitsilano landmark unveiling soon”?

It should read,

“An iconic Kitsilano landmark in ruins soon”

I’ll bet the culprit was some snotty-nosed, artsy-fartsy, whiz-kid from Trana. I can’t believe a Vancouver-based advertising firm would have the gall to rub it in our faces like that.

What is going to become of all the artefacts like that stained glass of Jesus smoking a joint? I hope it goes to a good home. I mean, some things are sacred!

And, where I am I going to bring my Ontario friends when they visit to show them a slice of life in the real Vancouver?

 

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My Double Life

“Aargh!” That’s the cry of the program trying to pigeon-hole me based on my behaviour on the computer.

Several in the comedy class I just completed made jokes about sex and used terms that weren’t part of my vocabulary. If I could remember the word or phrase when I got home, I did a Google search so I’d understand why everyone else found the comments funny. Like I said in last week’s blog, I’m getting “woke.”

In a different aspect of my life, I picked up a heavy-looking extension cord at a thrift store recently and wondered if it was safe for outdoor use. I entered the serial number in the Google search engine.

No extension cords, indoor or outdoor, came to light. Several handguns with serial numbers similar to the item in my hand did.

So, it would appear I’m living a double life. My public image is a benign grandmother who gardens, does yoga, and sings in a choir. These activities make a great cover for my private fascination with porn and pistols.

In case the police are curious, I have never shot, owned, or even wanted a gun.

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